Every story of conscious evolution 1 is interesting, different, unique and only elaborates on the fact that there are so many ways to reach truth, to reinstate so to speak one’s true self. Mine began in earnest twenty years ago when I walked into my office at work, looked around and thought. I don’t belong here anymore. It was a frightening feeling, a thought, a feeling that I wasn’t sure how to navigate around but forward I pressed. Had I known what lay ahead I may have been more reticent than my intuitive hunch gave clues to!!
Leading up to this moment I had been instrumental in my professional life in revamping the entire training system for a whole industry. Previously all serious education lay in the hands of the ivory tower educators of university status, a system too unwieldy, arrogant and not at all meeting the actual needs of employers/employees. I developed an incremental training system that introduced people to an industry with “only” the qualifications they needed and no excess baggage. The ability to, accredit each mini-qualification and build up to a stronger and appropriate preparation for dealing with what the industry required. So even then I was looking for hands on, immediate and more real, appropriate means to be versed in life’s requirements.
A song that always expressed the truth of my life was the old number “Is that all there is?” and perhaps my ever present question to myself…Is this it? Is this all there is? Mind you I had a comparatively great life and yet it needed more depth, more meaning, more of something that I could really believe in, really connect with and so my personal life became transformed by the words of a Buddhist monk with whom I studied meditation…he said, “You create your own reality…mind precedes matter, mind precedes phenomena” and so began my passionate, ardent and a totally tenacious fixation with any personal development, enlightening material, books, courses, gurus and whatever I could get my hands on that served to inspire me and enlighten my spiritual life, open my mind further to the notion that my fate was in my hands and my choices created my life .
And, at this point my spirituality was about to move from vicarious engagement via the delving into others experiences and insights to…visceral commitment to a deeply personal journey comprised of my own prodigal trek away from soul connection via the route of socio-cultural programming into the indoctrination of a worldview, a reality that bites deep into your being and sets in place a blueprint for life…and then, hopefully back home to the source of me and cosmic oneness.
Away from and back home to happiness as the getting of wisdom process.
Led by the “voice within” I began to turn all of my attention to the sensations, feelings and the emotions that were evoked within my body, triggered by I suppose the difference between how my life “ACTUALLY” was, to what my intuition and insights gained from exposure to spiritual ideas told me it could be. I noticed that when I aspired to a higher way of living, contrary to what I had lived, up till now in my world a situation my body would respond…a behaviour or incident could ignite or shall we say trigger a negative or contrary emotional response in my physiology. I learnt to not be run by it, medicate or eradicate it, but rather watch it, wonder about it, talk to it, ask it, what are you? Where are you from? I could track it, like a detective might find a clue and trace it back to its origin and find the culprit, I could find the original moment in time when the enculturation “event” occurred which literally derailed my own natural spiritual a-tune-ment to oneness and the comfort/happiness. That means, from a sense of wholeness…down the track towards the more fear based “fight or flight” notions of a more animalistic perspective of life.
I was always fascinated by the saying, “If I only knew then what I know now!” Well, now I could do that. I could literally take my now wisdom back into that past event and delete old fear based files in my consciousness and reinstate values like love, hope, joy, faith, knowing and then return to the present and be more whole than I was a moment ago, and I would immediately notice the changes in how my life unfolded, now I am creating my reality differently, now I am creating a reality more attuned to who I know myself to truly be, rather than what my historical cultural teachers created for me as a version of reality that tasted yuk even at the time but what choice did I have then, if I was to survive and be loved and approved of.
For twenty years I have devoted my life to a conscious process of mining the truth behind each unpleasant, uncomfortable or painful emotion in my body. 24/7 I have shifted my attention into the vibration of each sensation as my body would deliver it to me. I would sit with it, move into it and literally discover its story, mine the gold and come up renewed and wiser for the discoveries. Much wisdom and information has been gained in this process and all of it visceral, all of it firsthand.
It’s MY STORY and tailor made to my unfolding journey.
I’ve learnt in those 20 years in a way no-one could have told me that would have stuck within me, that we truly are spiritual beings in a human experience and as such live like schizophrenics in our experience of duality and paradox. Our human self has an animalistic part which defers to the flight or flight instinct and is motivated largely by fear. Our human animal aspect fears death, fears fate, fears life as being unsupportive, harsh and competitive, it feels ignorant and senses powers greater than it that define and decide its fate. It can be sucked into venerating authorities greater than it…it will take someone else’s word for it more so than its own senses as it doesn’t trust what it sees.
Meanwhile we also live with our spiritual self which is motivated and driven by love, it knows it’s own immortality to be how it is and senses the one truth of all life, that we are all cosmically connected in one unified field of energy. It experiences it’s soul as the god force and knows it creates its own reality in a friendly universe that is ultimately supportive. It knows and has cellular memory which it can access and be one with so all of the knowledge and information it needs it already has access to.
We humans can interpret our reality and draw conclusions based on our observations from an animalistic or spiritual perspective. When Darwin observed animal behaviour and developed the ethos of survival of the fittest, or Newton described cause and effect each was confining their observations to superficial behaviour that just saw what happened on the surface of concrete reality and did not look deeper into the soul of the situation. Neither asked what caused the phenomena and how it related to man’s soul. When Einstein was given a compass at the age of eight, he automatically observed it from a spiritual point of view, he asked what force was moving the compass needle and thus the theory of relativity was born. The animalistic and perhaps “normal” everyday use of the compass is to look at where it is pointing, not how it’s doing what it’s doing. Our spiritual selves always look deeper while our animal selves, more attuned to survival merely cope with what appears to be happening.
We live with this contradiction within us always and our journey is always about mining the deeper truths and animating our human selves with our deeper spiritual knowing. We’re here to blend two opposite points of view so that the less aware point of view gives way to the more aware and both make the very most of what it is to be human, a soul inhabiting a physical circumstance.
I sense the spiritual metaphor in the legendary garden of Eden story is about our spiritual selves floating unknowing in the bliss of cosmic consciousness enjoying the ocean of wonder without a clue about what’s going on…not the wherewithal for intimate and intense connection to what could be the physical manifestation of this spiritual paradise. We were told, we were warned how it would be…IF we were willing to endure the journey of conscious awakening…this journey of evolving minds capable of consciously knowing paradise would take us to all the opposite places first, but we had to do it didn’t we, and here we are. We are where we are…so far!
And there’s always more.
- All emphasis and bolding has been included by Timberwolf ↩