Fifty eight years is a long time coming for a spiritual realization and an epiphany moment of clarity and yet, when it opens new vistas and the chains of disempowerment fall limp with a loud clang, to the ground, freedom found doesn’t worry or fret for the years gone by. It all seems worthwhile!! It was worth every beautiful painful moment!!
When Saturn, the stern taskmaster entered my sign in August 2010, little did I know what lay ahead…what trials and tribulations, triumphs and victories lay in store for me!! I descended into a hell hole of severe physical illness, a viral infection ingrained itself in my chest and soon turned to pneumonia and gastric issues. I couldn’t eat or keep food down for eight days, the forced fasting and severe detoxification symptoms led me into hallucinatory trance states and absolute exhaustion. I had not been this sick since my childhood when my RH- blood grouping caused a severe reaction to the triple antigen immunization at 6 months of age. This sickness lasted into late adolescents and eventually through the power of my mind I catapulted myself out into wellness and health! I have been a very healthy adult! Until now.
For the duration of my recent sickness, using my body as a tuning fork I traced my way back through the years to do the detective work of uncovering all areas of personal causation, karmic choices and emotional decisions that had carved out events that followed. Piece by piece I unraveled the tangled mess of my karmic past to watch this web of life weave itself into a complete picture. This continued day in and day out and with each deeper descent I begged, are we there yet? Please, is it done? I knew I was looking for my “core wound”…the essential event…my husband begged me to let him cart me off to the hospital, I stood my ground. No meddling medico was going to ease my symptoms and remove from me my grist for this mill of discovery, no matter how uncomfortable and scary it was.
On the day before I began my recovery I hit rock bottom. Darkest hour before dawn. I found myself walking in my herbal garden…it is mid 1600’s in France. The pestilence has hit the towns and some people, with whom I am familiar approached me. They begged me to come to the town and do my healing work. I am reluctant, my husband ( then as now in this life) begs me not to go! It feels wrong to him and I agreed. But these people beg and beg and mention names of people I know. So, I relented and go with them. Once in the city I went to the house of a person, relative of a friend (best friend and close girlfriend in this life).
Within an hour I restored her to health where moments before she was at deaths door. We moved on to other houses. I saw the rats scurrying in the streets and the stench of death was everywhere. I just wanted to go home. News of my work spread fast, especially into the halls of the power brokers in this city. Those who hold the people in their authoritarian grip. The next day I am arrested, no trial, no justice, I stand accused as a witch and am executed, burnt on the pyre. The doctor who is also a Mayor, in the town, and a very strong religious figure, orchestrated the spreading of tales of fear and venom, and his feeling that his authority has been severely undermined causes him to take this action.
This person is my mother in this life. All my life my disempowerment has been caused by a kind of paralysis I have lived with…severe unfathomable disappointment, disbelief, horror and sheer sorrow at her behaviour towards me. No amount of recognition, till this moment has delivered me to a place of understanding, her visage and energy, exactly the same emotions I experienced as I drew my last breath and saw his (her) face in the crowd!
Always the question! WHY?
This is my core wound in this; my now life and here finally was the opportunity to heal it. Of course my death, according to karmic law, was my own doing. At that time I was not evolved enough to understand benign indifference, or the notion that we must never interfere in another’s karmic creations, no matter how bad it looks. What business was it of mine to leave my family, my home, my highland paradise and intervene in the karmic choices made by those captured in the plague and pestilence? These were not my choices! A high price to pay for misplaced compassion and breaking the universal law of non interference, but there it was/is…and now it is learnt. Today I know it fully and it is in my very bones, this ability to apply selective disinterest in that which does not pertain to me!
Ironically my sick state, last year, was precipitated by two instances in which I tried to push first my girlfriend ( the one I healed in my past life) and my husband into a place of recognition beyond their willingness to go. This was apparently sufficient to trigger the illness. The necessary trigger on the gun that I used to shoot myself…however, that was part of my soul’s plan. The soul always seeks, above all, sweet experiences but learns and grows most through bitter ones. As soon as I reached this critical point in my past life I turned the corner and began feeling better as each moment took over. The deed was done, the impossible mission accomplished, I was free now to heal and recuperate.
Two weeks after this supreme epiphany moment my mother phoned with news of a very disturbing dream she had had…she was scared to death…as she told me what it was, I realized she had relived the very moment, minutes before my death when our eyes locked in that past life. That moment has dominated every living minute of her existence ever since. The torture of it, a catalyst to her behaviour towards me, borne of hate; guilt; sorrow; feelings of being threatened; unsure; trying to rub me out and/or win my forgiveness. Amazing, I know in this life that she hates herself. Karma is thicker than blood, karma will always take precedence over familial bonds. She had me killed as well as many other women accused of being witches in that time, and that includes her own mother in this life. In order to maintain her base of power, her position of authority in that life, which to her was everything, and anything or anybody, that threatened it had to be wiped out! In this life she delivered me to a Doctor as a healthy 6 months old baby and I came out critically ill, this lasted 16 years and destroyed my childhood. Like a death sentence!
Karma is an amazingly energetic phenomenon which is widely misunderstood. Many people think that karma is something outside of us that happens to us, be it reward or punishment from some force that is enacted upon us by the management committee for karmic law! Not so!!
Karma is the magnificent and observable fact of manifestation in action. It is what we do to ourselves through our choices. Choices and decisions create an impact, which builds an energetic stream we cannot ever escape. Karma is literally the accumulation of habits in behaviour arising out of observation by sentient beings that live according to the law of free will. It is how life behaves, seems to them to be, and is!
Things happen. We make them happen but our conclusions about them, are what’s critical. And, this fallout from what happens to us, is of course complicated by what the spin doctors and marketing agents for social reform or social enculturation have sold us. This effects our beliefs and perceptions and changes how we see what we see and the conclusions we come to about what has happened or is happening as well as what matters. This literally is EVERYTHING!! Life is a very long journey back home to your personal truth as distinct from what you have been led to believe. That is how it is! Karma, of course remains intact from life to life and it explains why a baby can be born and then be abandoned, abused, loved or heir to a fortune. It is what explains the causative agents are in this variation of circumstances? Karma!!
Money too is an interesting tool (illusion) we humans have learnt to use to create an artificial semblance of having avoided, diverged from or escaped karma. Karma feels to us like life trying to get us…ha ha!! That is such a joke when we created it. Always when karma becomes active in our life, unfolding as it does, it stuns us that the money didn’t sort out the karmic issues!! You’d laugh if it wasn’t so obviously tragic!!
Freedom for me has come from realizing that my mother’s karmic history had an overwhelmingly powerful grip on her behaviour which far outweighed any responsibilities as a wife, daughter or mother and so what was incomprehensible to me is now totally logical. My part in it as well!! I had to learn that once you reach a state of spiritual alignment with the ONE, voluntarily going to a lower spiritual level where “separation” is active, is tantamount to suicide, it is suicide because there is NO VALID reason for it. We have no place in the “righting” of others karmic dilemmas. It breaks the Universal Law of NON-interference. Karma is thicker than blood ties or allegiances in every case and explains why those closest to us hurt us the most. These people are our avenue to creating karmic balance and the ability to choose freely in each moment, unhindered by karmic debt. They are our primary modus operandi for redressing karmic folly!!!
Now tell me that is not ingenious!!
Image source: Breaking the Chains, Illness, Witch Burning, Energy Healing, Karma, Blood
Hello again Gilles, this is a reply a long time coming, the next year in fact…2012, I am sorry I didn’t see your comment earlier……….I was brought back to this site ( and needed to read it all again) after clearing out my email with a reference there to a post being left on this site that I overlooked and I am so glad to be back here.
It is interesting that since writing that article and as I have continued on my journey, as no doubt you have too. I’ve put a lot of time into understanding what I have come to recognize about myself, that I am like many who have come to the planet at this time….an Empath, which like the Indigo Child is a highly sensitive being who feels energy all around and indeed also can know what others are thinking…their feelings and moods, ups and downs. It can be daunting being an empath as overwhelm is a common occurance.
So in light of the questions you’ve asked about :……“How do you help people see?” How do you help them see what they cannot see–knowing that, without awareness, it is impossible to change? How do you bring them to the “cliff of consciousness” where the light of reality infuses them?
Does it involve teaching, according to their level of evolution? Possibly. Does it evolve sending them ‘Love & Light’ – certainly. But then what?
Certainly as well in light of my lesson in that lifetime gone past…this continues to be a conundrum. I feel that in respect to what you ask the first port of call in considering these issues is…….how does it feel for me??…. to see/feel/know the pain a person is feeling, that I can feel, that moves through my being and hurts me, when I see them overlook what is obvious to me, clear as a bell and yet they see nothing……. haven’t a clue and therefore, can’t change…….First, what occured to me was that to change the experience for myself I need to change the perspective from which I see their pain….what if, everyone, one time or another HAS to go through their low points, has to encounter challenging experiences that call forth from that person the resolution to eventually look deeper, see further and find the answers that bring change!!……And if they could see what you can see, they wouldn’t be where they are, so enlightening them in anyway is counterproductive to their need for the journey of discovery……..People will hide their stuff as long as the fear of facing their demons, is stronger that the fear of enduring their issues….when like in my case…..with my illness, I was taken to the depths of despair, and I count myself as a person generally willing to look at my stuff, and even I, was unwilling until hanging onto it got too painful, too much and then the breakthrough came. Brilliant…..I even begged my husband to leave me wallowing in my pain. I knew it would bear fruit.
At the end of the day people have to find their own answers, step onto their own cliffs, see the light and allowit to infuse their consciousness, face their own demons and own their own pain…..until they do, it is all for naught and we can’t give answers, we can’t show the way…..wisdom is not interfering in others games…..they have to decide it’s time to stop playing games and get real and it can only come from them.
What I believe we can do is……feel their pain but sense it as good, not see it as seriously bad as they do, see it as profitable and purposefull and project the light of hope and faith in their resolve and ability to make it……it is interesting that our belief in “death” which our conversation about reincarnation refutes….but this belief in death causes us to see trauma and difficulties in a much worse light than it truly is and we panic about solutions …perhaps over zealous desire to show someone the light is in fact a vote of no confidence in their ability to find it themselves, better believe in that they can do it, and will, take that step.
Perhaps the real reason we feel a need to “help” is because we are trying to avoid the pain their clamours for help cause us as we feel guilty claiming our own hard won joy and lightness………..so seeing the virtue and value in the light and the dark may be a way of being OK with both sides of the coin!!
lots of light and love to you Gilles and hope it doesn’t take months before you become aware of my answer, as it happened with me. Ursula XOXO
Good evening Ursula,
Thanks for your response, which gave me a chance to reread your article. A few thoughts and insights emerged.
First, the synchronicity between my Salem moment, and three days later reading your ‘witchy’ experience about being burned on the pyre in the mid 1600’s in France.
I don’t know where I was at the time, but I in fact was born in France in this lifetime, before I moved to the US 21 years ago. Spiritual life –and connecting across lives– is an interesting phenomenon – a phenomenon that I am only starting to fathom. Intrigued I am, as I said earlier.
Your point about your ‘core wound’ also grabbed my attention as I’ve been working on some personal healing lately. I’m glad you were able to locate it in time, but perhaps it varies from one person to another – and perhaps the intensity of the wound varies as well…a question for the Universe here!
Finally, this question of explaining past lives to other folks and/or to someone who is challenging our beliefs. Yep, it’s an interesting one, and yet our mission (I include mine here) may not be to convince other people of the reality of past lives, but perhaps to prepare them for that belief in a subsequent life or future encounter.
In a very similar vein, there is a question that is re-popping in the corner of my mind. “How do you help people see?” How do you help them see what they cannot see–knowing that, without awareness, it is impossible to change? How do you bring them to the “cliff of consciousness” where the light of reality infuses them?
Does it involve teaching, according to their level of evolution? Possibly. Does it evolve sending them ‘Love & Light’ – certainly. But then what?
I’m sure you get what I mean, and this is not the same as abiding by the karmic law of non-interference. It is not about changing one’s karmic course. It is about helping, very gently, other souls on the path, and it is about creating the terrain for that spark of awareness that we’ve all experienced at one point or another.
In closing, I would like to thank you once again for the below:
“Fifty eight years is a long time coming for a spiritual realization and an epiphany moment of clarity.”
That was very meaningful, knowing time is all relative, non?
Merci!
Gilles
Thankyou Gilles for your lovely acknowledgment….indeed, only 50…just a kid at heart with so much ahead…….yes, I agree re past lives…..as long as they propel you forwards and are part of your evolution, they are great!! The journey back there so worthwhile….I have found my past life discoveries as you say intrigueing and at the same time, incredibly enlightening….I’ve often wondered at what answer I would give to someone who seriously challenged my belief that these past lives are real and or sought some kind of proof, which of course is difficult and tiresome to establish! My answer is…….even if this is just some fantasy I dreamed up ( which I of course do not believe for one second) the symbology and meanings that I derive from these past life stories are so enriching and from them so much is learnt.
I have a grandaughter……like you I am also incredibly young …pppppffft, to be having a grandaughter…..ha ha……well I believe her to be my father reincarnated…..but from time to time a bout of scepticism attacks my consciousness and causes me to question this knowing I have….literally every time she comes out with a Dad-ism and when I ask her, why did you say/do that? her answer is always the same…..”it popped into my head, I don’t know why? mmm……..so it’s also amazing to watch my father live out his next incarnation, see where he/she gets tripped up, why he/she does certain things a certain way…as time goes on we will learn more and more and accept more and more to be true! Don’t you think…….these validating experiences ( like your salem moment) come again and again!! Best wishes…Ursula
Thanks, Ursula, for your long article in which I found some similarity with my family’s karma; although I never researched my parents’ past lives.
It is good to reflect on what is past (in this life and previous ones), providing it propels you toward the future. Not so long ago, I started learning about my past lives and I found the process to be highly intriguing. It led me to wanting to learn more about the people I lived with way back, which I am doing now.
I am aiming at the spiritual realization and epiphany moment of clarity you mentioned at the beginning of your article–and I am only fifty!
On the lighter side, I found myself walking down the streets of Salem, MA, three days ago at 11:00 pm, and couldn’t help connect with your witch story!
Light and Love,
Gilles
It’s all about sharing our personal truths! We all contribute to the essential whole. It is simply a matter of digging deep, or getting to the heart of one’s Self, in order to tap into the Higher guidance and attract our spiritual brothers and sisters. You stumbled upon this page by no coincidence!
Much love,
Siosi
Thankyou Holly for your kind words…….life is indeed so magnificent….at the very “exact” moment an email popped into my account alerting me to the fact you had received so much value from the articles and discussion between Siosi and myself……you’ll laugh, I was writing an email response to one sent to me by the girlfriend of my son, who intercepted an email of mine to him, speaking the “spiritual speak” he and I have shared for the many years we have been close. His relationship with her is taking him away it seems to me from the deeper understanding of life’s journey as spirits in a human experience, moreso towards material attainment which is probably the most appropriate thing for him right now, it seems he feels that will and does make his life less complicated, easier and fair enough if that’s what he wants, he loves her very much so obviously this is his path and I need to respect that . His girlfriend, not understanding my approach, beliefs and my seeing, was “offended” by something I said to him and is using that offence, which I can see masks deeper unresolved hurts to project her ire onto me and call to question our closeness, between my son and I.
We all must learn to bear allegiance to our own inner knowing and release and let go of even those we most love when their life journey takes them to a place that is diverged off our own path, this is a tough lesson, a very tough one but karma is thicker than blood! Love them and let them be where they are and continue on our own path!
So, at this precise moment, as I am answering your email pops in and “reminds” me to re-read all of it, and gives me a deeper understanding again…of this new creation of mine and the opportunity in it…..after reading it all again I felt myself rest back into my understanding…..yes my heart energy seems to perform “open heart surgery” on others hidden emotions and their struggles are revealed….yet, this is not my struggle! This is not my lack of understanding…..it is not for me to explain myself, I can let that go….that’s a pretty important aspect to the art of writing, illustrate with beauty but don’t justify with logic!!
So I revisit my lessons, again….for review and apply their wisdom back into my life as I spiral to the next layer of opening to fuller conscious awareness!
Thankyou as I thank all who enter my life, for your contribution in perfect and magnificent synchronicity…..unbeknowns to you your timing was “impeccable” Lots of love and may you dip your life into the iridescent divine light of deeper knowing!!! Ursula XO
Wow! I have started reading all of the articles on TimberwolfHQ, in the hopes of trying to find my true meaning in this world and what I can offer. And what I found here was so much more. I once again found that there are others out there that have some or all of the same feelings as I do. I truly appreciated reading this article. So, Thank you, Ursula, Siosi and Timberwolf!! Blessings of love and light
Thanks Jessica, Indeed it’s so confirming isnt’ it when you resonate with the experiences others are having, I came across this site by chance when searching for the Soul Tree…glad that your heart and soul were touched…..in love and light…UrsulaXO
Wow! I came across this page tonight as I was searching online for a picture of the Flower of Life. Honestly, reading all this touched me very deeply and brought me to tears because I no longer feel alone in my thoughts. Thank you!
Namaste Jessica
I am deeply moved by the fact that you found Ursula’s article to be one so closely linked to your own search for meaning. Here at Timberwolf HQ, I seek to share the knowledge that I find, in my own way with others. This includes the sharing of the knowledge and wisdom of my readers who wish to contribute. Ursula is one those readers who chose to submit articles for publication. It is a wonderful article as are her others:
Mastering the Art of Creating Your Own Reality
Living a deep rich life and loving it
A Prophetic Vision of the reality we are creating – Part 1
and
A Prophetic Vision of the reality we are creating – Part 2
Please come by again and enjoy the writings here. Don’t forget to leave a comment.
Timberwolf
Well Siosi you are a gift from the divine…that is for sure! And thankyou so much for remaining engaged in this conversation!! It is supremely appreciated and my journey exponentially catapulted forwards into greater and deeper learnings through this opportunity to explore, more!!
For many many years now I have practised full conscious awareness of my moment by moment feelings….experienced when they come as sensations in my body. I sink into these and ask….”Is there something you wish to tell me?” In this process I remember a memory, this life/past lives and I get to see where I went off track…..where I misunderstood, where I allowed someone else’s interpretation or version of reality to supercede my own knowing, lapses in concentration on my part……you see I believe every experience of personal disempowerment can be traced back to an “original” lazy omission in conscious awareness…the world has seen so many people come up with interpretations of what they say is happening and then the masses go!! Oh is that so….flat earth, sun moves around the earth, Jesus died for your sins, seeing as how come you are a sinner….when you die you’re gone…..etc etc etc…misinformed foundations on which we then live our lives……You want me to believe that…OH OK then!! And then situations build on that wrong turn, false move, oversight and it’s hard to see where and how the original crack occured. I remember that moment and return to it….bring it back to my now wisdom…..and I change the thought, reverse the lack of wisdom and reinstate my divine heritage!! I suppose you could say I find my godself within and get to ask what is the TRUTH about the universe, life and my world as I have come to know it…..I have learned much…for example….I can now do what I couldn’t before, go to a funeral and ask the person why they passed on? It’s been a gradual process and so I have had plenty of time to get used to it. I used to call this process “emotional literacy” until someone wrote a book and wasn’t what I do at all….so now I call it for want of a better word ” remembering” …who I am!!
Because I do this process 24/7….it is THE most important thing I pay attention to in my life…. what was a life full of drama, hassles, conflict and problems has become one free of all that….gradually it happened….I very rarely encounter those elements in my life….it’s all very peaceful. Yesterday I inadvertantly caught myself leafing through the Herald Sun and suddenly thought, OMG this feels like going through the garbage..it stinks!!
To counteract the lack of “action” to trigger off my inner wounds I use other people’s experiences…when someone shares their issues with me I ask, “What is this showing me about me?” For me that’s a matter of course because they wouldn’t be there at all had I not created them to be……..so your dream was a handy vessel to enable me to feel a deeply held anger, so buried in my subconscious it was hard to get to!! very hard…..but my interpretation overlaid on yours for you, got me there, I needed to feel this anger “sore point” towards men……..which in my day to day life I don’t ever feel, I attract the most gorgeous men….I get on really well with them, enjoy their company and have lots of men friends and am valued by them!! I wasn’t aware of this anger….but going there took me deeper, deeper and yes beneath the anger was my SHAME!!
Shame that I allowed myself to give away my wisdom, knowing….going along with stupid ideas like conflict, needing protection, war, competition, combat….fighting…, spiritual materialism….ie, using humanities NEED for spirit to attach political, financial and social ideas and manipulations of people…a whole lot of lies pinned to a bit of truth, the masculine energy has definitely created “MANY” damaging misperceptions of reality the world has taken as gospel. My “irritation” with The Secret is the masculine energy in the author ( Robyne Byrne) who used a clever journalistic ~ marketting ploy of creating an anger hook to get people to approach the whole idea of “you create your own reality” as a conspiracy against mankind….telling people, that THEY hid the truth, did you realise they kept this information from you……yeah right!!…….when that is such a victim stance and totally at odds with her message….create your own world, we are already creating our reality every moment…whether we know it or not…….every human that walks the earth, wanting to claim back their conscious awareness that they create their own reality MUST OWN that that knowing was given away, not taken!!! Each and every one of us has complete/full knowing of what is so, what is true and what is real, it lies lodged in our cellular memory awaiting discovery…..which is why they say….go within!! It’s all there!! Ready for you to avail yourself of a huge serving of information and knowing!!
Both men and women have to feel deeply into and own their anger and then trace down beneath, go down down down into the darkness, “IN TUIT” to their real “feelings” to discover what he/she did in terms of the relationship between man and woman to create the many many many misunderstandings….and there are bucketloads.
I read your reply at midnight……..I had pre-planned to meditate ha ha ha ( On the nature of my passion) beneath the full moon at 12:44, in my zodiac sign last night because I knew it was a powerful one full of amplifying energy which I could use. I could feel and allowed myself to go to the place of hurt….being misunderstood, misperceived, my passion misconstrued for righteousness, my knowing seen as trying to “tell’ others how it is…my readiness to embrace my feelings as feeling negativity towards men….speaking the truth as not being able to give unconditional love, which is not how I feel at all………..
We have to be careful re the whole notion of unconditional love, it’s a bit like the meek shall inherit the world, and service is the way to God!! From a spiritual point of view, in my reality…..at least I know that as far as mankind and all beings are concerned I live in a place of BEING the LOVE….seeing their soul and feeling love for their journey………………as far as my human self is concerned many people behave in ways that makes it humanly difficult if not impossible to go about the “doing of love” thing….where then it’s OK to tell the truth, as far as you can for yourself and walk away….knowing I am divine love, you are divine love and all is LOVE…but right now….you shit me and your behaviour is unacceptable!! ( not you, speaking metaphorically)
The call after reading your post…was, to rectify, respond react and right this (well it felt to me like a misunderstanding of me) and it was strong, yes there was hurt and so I allowed myself to feel it…..it took me back to the past life mentioned in the original article and I could feel myself suffocating, as I breathed in the smoke from the flames…and it felt like I was breathing in their misconstrued views of me and fears of me, that they saw me as a wicked witch.. WOT THA, when I’d just saved so many of them!! …..I had chronic asthma as a child and suddenly saw why……..fortunately for me I saw that I actually never really suffered from being burnt at the pyre, I lost consciousness from smoke inhalation and so was out before the burning began………..
So as I sat under the moon~ she said it all for me, under a clear star filled country sky I allowed myself to breathe in, inspire the clean crisp air and the moon’s divine rays, I sat there in absolute bliss….totally under a fully complete moon which seemed to be shouting at me brightly, passionately, look at me, this is all of who I am, you be all of who you can be!! Embrace the bliss, feel the joy, shine your light!! Don’t be afraid that your exuberance, your passionate expression will not be accepted!! Let GO!! Let GO!! she said…..Don’t answer or address what comes and sees you as it sees you if it doesn’t meet with your own knowing of yourself!!
Ironically it is deeply held and unresolved anger that hasn’t yet been discovered, uncovered and healed that leads people to act like deers with eyes agog, shocked and stunned into a stiff stance or stupor when passion hits them like the high beam head light of a car catching them in the dark….there is a fine line between passion and rage!!
I do, I love writing, lengthy, expressive words tumbling on one another…many through the years have coined me to be “An inspirational Writer” interesting given my early breathing problems…..and it is indeed my art, my passion on a subject that I can never ever get enough of, the evolving self…..I breathe it in, I inspire and then I breathe it out..I expire….and, so thanks to you coming into my life I have been able to identify exactly where my anger was so that my passionate words will be filled with love, acceptance and the exuberant joy of discovery and none of the need to explain or justify myself, no anger, which yes you could feel, cos it was there alright!!..gone now!! ……I also realized this morning that my mother played a strong role in showing me the part of me that disallows loving adoring attention that accepts me as I am……and rather pushes me towards justifying myself with people who might challenge, not accept and misconstrue my meaningsy to manuevre and maniplute me and yes, steal my power…..that has been my past….emphasis on past…….true!….it’s perfectly OK to hang out with people who love you, not people who find you “too much” or try to spin a tale to get you off balance!!
And I do know for many I have been too much…..so now I feel good enough about going and being enough wherever I am….with much love, much understanding for this divine process and most of all…appreciation. Thanx Siosi, you have been a God-send!! Love it. Just love it!!
Cheers Ursulaxoxoxoxo
Hi Ursula,
Thanks again for the response! I watched the latest Narnia film you mentioned, and recognized the scene you described. I am glad that my dream triggered many significant messages for you, but the messages for me were quite different. I can tell by the passion and lengthiness of your words, that men (in general) are quite a sore subject for you.
It is true that men have subjected women to a lot of hurt and suffering in the past, however, not all men deserve scolding or punishment. I could highlight all the words/sentences in your response(s) to show just how determined you are to correct us, or inform us of what you believe we need to hear, but that would accomplish little. It’s good that you are coming to terms with all your internal conflicts but, as an objective “stranger,” be careful not to let your spiritual righteousness distance yourself from being able to love us unconditionally. Spirituality is good, and so is wisdom, but neither matter if love is not at the center – for is God not love? For as many arguments you have about men betraying women, so, too, can examples be found of women doing the same. I’ve heard ancient stories about matriarchal societies, where men were/are subjugated as sex-slaves, and some still exist today. The cycle of hatred can be endless.
In regards to masculine vs. feminine energy, I don’t believe that that is exclusive to gender. Typically, yes, but there are males who exhibit more femininity than females, and vice versa. We now also have issues of homosexuality and trans-genders who, in some cultures, are respected. A lot of contradictions and paradoxes, but all needed in their own right (for our understanding).
As for the dream, the Ursula I was directed to, was the sea-witch from Disney’s “The Little Mermaid.” Certain events were taking place at the time, involving a rather destructive female who has contributed to a rift in my family. When I re-visited this childhood character, I felt the connections between her and the destructive person in my life were eerily similar.
The Dragon “totem” has been with me for a long time, but was “employed” by the witch in my dream (she had stolen it from our family). Although the Dragon fought me, it sacrificed itself because it was tired of serving a destructive witch. When I was made to challenge her, I did not use the Dragon’s powers because that is what the witch wanted. I used my own abilities to prove that power comes from within, and not external sources. I’ve always believed that dreams are for the dreamer, because they carry for specific messages and symbols known only to them. However, in your case, I think it’s provided another level of meaning, which is good. It’ justs interesting to know that there’s no real right or wrong interpretation to this, because we all come with our own dictionaries.
As for your comment about The Secret, I don’t think it’s a lie. It WAS always there. We, as a race, perhaps weren’t ready for it or, those who hid this information for control and power, were just damn good at what they did. Either way, it was a necessary part of our growth as a race. Even now, the Truth still eludes us, but we still seek it. That’s the funny thing about Truth, there’s a very fine line to it. What we know about the Truth is only part of the whole Truth, but that is why each and every one of us is so important. If we were all to discover our own Personal Truths, then come together to share it, perhaps we might complete more of the puzzle than we ever could alone. What do you think?
Thanks again Ursula. Your view of things has certainly opened up my perspective on life, and I hope it doesn’t stop there. I wish you the best of luck with your current journey. Also know that this young man seeks to steal nothing from you, but only hopes you find the courage to love man once again because, “in the end, all there is, is love.” God bless.
Thankyou Timberwolf, yes there has been some intense sharing and for my part it has been incredibly growth provoking………….some days after I posted my response to Siosi I was contacted by a friend who I hadn’t heard from in a while, she told me that I had appeared to her in a dream and was swathed in snakes….totems as you know for “transformation”…I found that kinda cool and wondered who else I have visited…..several nights ago I myself dreamt of sitting in my backyard and many Canadian Bears, the black ones with brown noses were walking around me, it was so real I did feel nervous…more for the kids and dogs playing but they just played and tumbled around wrestling and chasing each other……Bears are totems for “instrospection” ……..thankyou for your comments and I might just take you up on your offer of assistance with my web site….I think “It’s time” IN love and light Ursula XOXO……….Oi watch that snake behind you!! HAHA
Ursula and Siosi…wow. That is quite a dialogue you have going there. It is wonderful to see that you are both comfortable enough to hold this discussion here on Timberwolf HQ.
I have read the article, the dream, the dream response, the to-ing and fro-ing between you. The revelations that you have allowed each to experience are what Timberwolf HQ is about. Thank you for being so open and honest, in the article and the ongoing commentary dialogue.
Ursula, should you require any help with setting up your own website, please let me know as it would be an honor to assist you. I would hope that you continue to contribute to this site as well. Same goes for you Siosi.
Namaste to you both.
Timberwolf.
Wow is pretty much again all I can say….last night the last thing I read was your comment, in reply to mine and it was pretty incredible, quite amazing!
I had just watched a movie, the latest Narnia and in it there was featured a dragon…..a young boy is turned into a dragon when he tries to claim a trasure that is not his to take and is punished by being turned into a dragon…..as a dragon he uses his ability to fly and breathe fire to do good and eventually havign proven his worth is turned back into a boy….in whom now is born courage and strength, where before there was weakness and cowardice!!
I read your dream and applied it’s message to my heart allowing myself to feel into it’s meaning rather than intellectually decipher it….analyze, I knew my heart would deliver to me its’ message. I googled Dragon again and came across the following article….http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/biblianazar/esp_biblianazar_10a.htm#Part%201 Might be worth a read…it’s long but it gave me some fascinating information about how woman’s wisdom was first used by men!!!
The dream you mention of me being the Witch, which really means..the “wise/seeing woman” and the Dragon in this case represents “seeing, awareness, being awake”…her companion, …..and that woman has offered the energy of the dragon to the man and he has killed it for the treasure that it has to offer, it’s secrets, and it angers her, woman is angered by this misdemeanor, the dragon ( the sacred aspect of the feminine) has laid down and offered it’s treasure and the man interprets that dragon as dangerous, so he kills it…(the wisdom and vision of woman who sees through and into all perversions of lies that cover the truth, sees into hidden information and mutations of reality , SHE had always been felt by the Alpha Males who rule and implement social control as dangerous/threatening, so WOMAN when she is truly WOMB-MAN has been killed, controlled, imprisoned, subjugated, annihilated, humiliated)…so she throws all her might and anger and rage at him…..he uses his natural talent….overt physical strength to overcome her, which is relatively easy because she is weakened by her anger which hides her grief, her sadness for the squashing of her powers which were offered so freely, she willingly gave over her inner essence……….so the man with his physical strength frees himself by vanquishing her, only to find he was never imprisoned at all. The gates were always open, her energy he interpreted as dangerous never was……..She never sought to imprison him but rather honor him with her gift….freely given, never needing to be taken by force!! What has been killed was life creating…hence we see now in our world how so much of what we do is anti-life!!
Here is my excerpt from my article on 21/12/12…“On the nine the dragon will be born.”
Dragon
I was born in 1952 and the Dragon is my Chinese zodiac sign. Dragon in Latin is “dracon” which means serpent, “…which in turn was derived from the Greek Spakov (serpent), from the Greek aorist verb, Spakelv (to see clearly). It is related to many other ancient words related to sight, such as Sanskrit darc (see), Avestic darstis (sight), Old Irish derc (eye), Old English torht, Old Saxon torht and Old High German zoraht, all meaning clear, or bright. 1” Dragons became associated with the darker sides of life as are our human consciousness. The power of the dragon is often associated with the unadulterated, enlightened connection to creation, much like a new born child who is not yet trained through socio cultural programming and not yet tainted with human knowledge and ego. The dragon is also associated with the birth of consciousness which can be conflicted and chaotic.
Yesterday I posted an angry reference ( now I see the anger in it, thanks to your dream) about the male energy, often in women yet mostly in men, who practice Spiritual Materialism, who take the magical mystical aspects of feminine wisdom, take ownership and become Kings or legends in their own lunchbox using the divine feminine power of “insight” and life creation, then focus or direct that energy towards masculine symbols of power…..physical manifestations which are meant to be born out of the real treasure, the deep inner glory of divine light and therefore balanced, eco-sustainable matter creating form in alignment with nature…misuse of true mystical power, physical violence and ugly fear creates and becomes the awful dark edifices and ego symbols at odds with life itself and innately both demeaning, violating and exploitative!! Many of the tall towers mankind builds are designed in nature to overwhelm, to be grandiose and therefore diminish people’s sense of themselves, tower over, shrink the human’s sense of himself, make him small and insignificant!! Sad but true!!!
Earth mother in these times for me represents the awakening and reborn feminine power of true alignment with source……as distinct from mystical so called “secrets” of a magical nature that can make tricks happen…at what cost!!! Earth mother is shaking and all that is not aligned to source, tumbles in minutes…..edifices fall, towers tumble, rivers roar and mountains quake as we are all shaken back to sense and our hearts opened.
I know that in regard to this ancient story where we accurately see history as apart from herstory…….that lives in my heart….as a woman I have to practice Hoponopono and say……..and I am saying it to the part of me that allowed and participated in this divergence from truth…………..I am sorry, I forgive you, thank-you and I love you…This is directed to the part of me where the incorrect, fault or flaw lies…that which needs correction and righting back into balance. I must heal the hurt in my heart that continues as long as I am angry…I know I willingly gave access to my power away…..perhaps when those that I gave it to or took it in no way knew how to use it….on no way understood what was given, misinterpreted…..look at the book The Secret…..how many lies does that book tell, that “the truth ‘about life was always available to all who would open their eyes and hearts…..what is true is that many tried to hide it…unsuccessfully, it was always there!! Free, available………..gratis and no catches….no tricks. Just truth seen with the naked eye as how it is.
Thankyou Siosi, your dream speaks to an essential aspect of my own self discovery and directs me to seeing that which is so needed by me. How magnificent that life would send this to me from someone I have never met, yet my soul found the soul up to and at the place I needed to meet my deepest revelations!! If it is’nt in my immediate environment I go looking for it out in the cosmos!!
In Love and Light Ursula XOXOX
Hi Ursula,
Thank you very much for the response. The connections are quite amazing, aren’t they? It’s also a bit eerie (but comforting) to know that I dreamt about someone I’ve never met before!
Your story was quite moving and I can certainly relate to different elements of it. However, a portion of the dream I did NOT tell you about, was that your Dragon allowed me to kill it. After I did, a treasure dropped in its place, and that is when I learned your name. I believe dreams hold their own symbolism specific to the dreamer, but can also carry a different meaning for others (like you, in this case). You returned to the castle and was furious when you could not find the Dragon. You called me out from my hiding and put me to a test. You threw me into a deep pit, throwing all that you could at me, forcing me to try and use the new-found “power” I had attained from your Dragon. I would not. I instead chose to use my own natural abilities until I was finally able to escape. When I “defeated” you, I made my way to a large, black gate. When I reached it, I realized it was open the entire time!
My Chinese zodiac is the Tiger, but I have had an affinity for Dragons since I was young; I only realized this recently when I looked at various items collected throughout my life. A Crow man pointed this out to me one day when he noticed the Dragon on my t-shirt. I then realized I had Dragon statues in my office, and Dragon pictures I bought from South Asia before 2004. I also remembered loving the Green Power Ranger (from the show Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers) whose ‘megazord’ was the Dragonzord! I haven’t looked too deeply into this majestic “totem,” but I am sure it will have more significance in the years to come.
As for the karmic relationship between you, your mom, and your dad, that would certainly explain a lot about my own circumstances at the moment. I’m not too sure of the past lives we share together, but all I KNOW is that detachment is the best option at this point. I have always been family-oriented, and rather impatient, so this has been one of the hardest lessons for me. Knowing someone (like you) has gone through similar experiences is very comforting, so thank you.
In regards to your site, I look forward to seeing it! I, too, have my own plans to create a blog of my own. While the owner of this site has Timberwolf as a totem, I carry the White Wolf. Sharing wisdom is something I wish to do as well. Since I am a web designer/developer and animator by profession, I aim to use these skills to bring indigenous stories and wisdom to the fore. Here is some of the work I’ve done so far: http://vimeo.com/siosism
All the best Ursula, and look forward to hearing more from you!
Kind regards,
Siosi
Wow, Siosi, thankyou for your post….yes that was me, Dragon is my companion animal and chinese zodiac sign and well yes, I am a witch I’d say that definitely. I just posted a long answer which seems to have disappeared into the nether and beyond….I’ll check and see if it has found it’s way to the posts or not.
IN love and light Ursula XOXOXO
Dearest Siosi, thankyou for your post…..and I am so pleased that my article has helped you heal those aspects of self that keep you attached to others drama, especially those close to you, this is a lifetime healing challenge for many of us. and I think or see that when you had your fall out with a close family member, often that unleashes the power you have kept locked up inside in the dysfunctions the relationship has had you locked into, so all those animal spirits were bringing you every form of strength and power possible to help you on your journey, an avalanche of well wishers at your door.
I am quite sure that the Ursula in your dream was me, my chinese zodiac sign is the dragon, the name dragon comes from the word dracon which means making all that is hidden revealed……if you read my previous article…..” A prophetic vision of the reality we are creating part 2″ there is a lot of information that will make further sense of your dreams and your current experience. I am aware of several lives as a so called witch and in years gone by one would say that is what I am today……because of the level of my awareness, my keen vision into others energetic dynamics and my empath nature of feeling their pain I have been conscious of the fortress like energy of the castle that is symbolic for how aware I am of protecting myself in this life…..often knowing, seeing what others cannot know and see opens you up to their ire and anger, they feel threatened and so attack!!!
On March 12th I had a very profound realisation or BFO. A blinding flash of the obvious as I call it. I had been exposed through conversations on that day and the one before to the troubles of some girlfriends…as my friend Nikki spoke suddenly I saw….and told her….gosh Nik, you’re surrounded by “Tragic Men”…..everywhere she was creating them and rescuing them, always with the same result…or lack of it!! MAssive disappointment…she’s well on the way to giving that up now!!!
Then of course I saw it in my life…..sinking into the feeling within my bones it took me back to my childhood of course, my ( damaged) father…..I could feel the awful pain of how he was not committed, not engaged to me, my mother, life, I was terrified of losing what little vestige of connection there was between us given the lack of mother-daughter bond!! The pain was excruciating so rather than face that fear I turned it around, I imagined him into “THE TRAGIC MAN”…….so I filled him with the love, nurturing, help and security of my energy fooling myself into believing the feeling was making me feel connected…..and, Yes, I have in one way or another kept doing it every since pushing strong men away and making strong men weak………so on March 12th 2011, I also saw the further archetype of “THE TRAGIC HU-MAN” and how we fall for that in our compassion and our empathy and our charity and I changed it to THE BRAVE-COURAGEOUS HU-MAN” that is what I see now in everyone!!
There are writings coming out of Japan from more aware people seeing the return of human kindness, love, support and connections they thought that had lost to one another because of the disaster….yes it’s sad if your unawareness means that’s the only thing that will wake you up but if that’s what it takes, then that’s what it takes!!!
So further to the article on Karma being thicker than blood, which dealt with my relationship with my mother, on March 12th I dealt with the core cause of pain in my relationship with my father, obviously in that past life as a healer ( witch who was burnt) they were able to convince me that these were TRAGIC HUMANS…..there are NO TRAGIC HUMANS…..we are all brave, capable and wonderful manifestors who can create whatever reality we so desire, and as 2012 draws near we are on notice to make that a quest…..as energy quickens we have to be able to think right thoughts driven by powerful positive emotions free of negative attachments to the idea that pain and suffering is necessary.
Your post has come at a perfect time for me Siosi as I consider my decision to create my own web site that deals with the Wisdom of Women and our Karmic Quest…..thankyou so much. Perhaps we’ll meet in dreams again.
All the best on your blessed journey Love and Light Ursula, witch of the castle and companion to the almight dragon!! Bringer of light and magic.
Now that is freaky. Everything you talk about here is what I’m currently experiencing myself. I’ve had a huge fallout with a family member, and have had various animal messengers come to me in my dreams and reality (e.g. lynx, black panther, grasshopper, gecko, dolphin, dragon, crow, toad, jellyfish, wasp, and red dragonfly) over the past 2-3 weeks. It’s been like an information overload; I’ve never had so many animals/insects come to me so consistently! Almost all of them have included the keyword “detach” in their medicine – and it has been one of the most hardest things for me to do. I’ve always been the one to “save” my family, and pick-up the pieces, despite various warnings and hunches. I’m only starting to realize the power of detachment (in terms of allowing others to experience their own karmic debts).
Also, on March 12th, I had a dream with your name specifically (Ursula)! I don’t know if it’s related to you, or someone else in my life, but the Ursula in my dream was a Witch with a dragon who protected her castle.